Good days and bad days

Everyone says that deployments have good days and bad days, I’ve had my share of both on this bumpy path. Deployment bad days aren’t like regular bad day, they’re filled with soul crushing anxiety, doubt and an incredible amount of pessimism. Today is one of those days.

I woke up and knew, but was determined not to let today be bad. My daughter and I showered, I did my make up, blow dried my hair and put on one of B’s favorite outfits to see me in. He texted me that he was also feeling homesick today, and I was even able to text a little pep talk. I headed to Caribou (bad days need little special pick me ups) but they were out of the first 3 things I tried to order (one of those was my bad, it had been seasonal…two years ago. I don’t get fancy coffee often.) Then I decided to go through the panera drive thru for a pastry (one of B and my favorites.) It was then that I got hit with the feels! For once I wouldn’t have to share my bearclaw, because he wasn’t here. I pulled myself together long enough to pay and get my pastry, then sat in the parking lot bawling, eating my bearclaw. I gave myself a few minutes to get it all out and move on. I wasn’t giving in yet!

My daughter and I went to Old Navy (for the supposed huge sale. Disappointment.) Anyways I had been texting B about my bearclaw cry and he decides to share whats keeping him awake currently. He needs to decide what to do with his military career, he has it narrowed to 3 specific jobs/fields. I was in absolute shock. I was under the impression that once his time was up this summer that he wasn’t reenlisting, possibly considering the national guard (huge possibly) but here he was telling me about these 3 options. I tried to help, having him list the positives and negatives of each one, not mentioning the panic I was currently experiencing on this side of the planet or interjecting my personal thoughts. At one point he says the schooling times (one of them up to two years long!!!Im not supposed to worry though, because me and A can follow him wherever school is at. Probably. ) I made an excuse as to why I had to quit texting and then gave into the bad day.

Now I have SO much on my mind. We were going to buy a house when he got back. We almost did before he deployed but were worried about me spending my first deployment in a new house alone. As mentioned before doubt and pessimism come into play, so naturally issues that I’ve been stressed about this entire deployment came to mind. And now I am just sitting here blogging about it, my mom is bringing me home a piece of pie (God bless her.)

I guess the point of this post (besides venting about my day) is that even though today sucked and all I feel right now is hopeless and dejected, I know that tomorrow is a new day. A better day. There’s a lot of stuff I am still figuring out (long distance relationships, how to handle a toddler melt down, why caribou got rid of the Chai-nog latte…) but I know now only to focus on what I can actually control, and on the bad days sometimes you just need to have pie for dinner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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