At night my mind opens up

I can’t be the only one that at the end of the day is so exhausted they can barely crawl to bed, and suddenly your brain switches on. I think about EVERYTHING before bed. I think about windmills and dams, weird occupations I could pursue, dream houses, movies I saw 5 years ago and so do many questions. Every night I eventually get around to thinking about the future. The family I want and the life I want to give them, but also what I have to do to give them that life. Well that’s a different post for a different day.  Tonight I just wanted to make a list,  of all the stuff that has suddenly popped into my head in hopes of getting it out or blogging about it in the future. So here goes:

Creepy crawlers atnightt

Hydro power (dams and lake berryessa)

How are just my feet cold

Relationship issues

Financial stuff

Puppies

Skiing

I should read more

Fixing my car

Tomorrow’s 2nd day of day care

Plants vs zombies

You get it! I’m going to try to head to bed

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It’s go time

We’re back from the in-laws, things we had planned didn’t happen but it was a great visit regardless. Surprisingly relaxing for me, and A felt right at home.

Tomorrow morning is our first day of daycare and work. I go back and forth between calm and so anxious I could vomit. I have idea what to pack her, they said diapers, wipes and a spare outfit….im over here like how many?! While I am worried about A handling the separation from me, I just feel like it’s going to be okay. They saying follow God’s lead for where he guides he provides, has just been on my heart these past few days.  Im trying to focus on the positives (there are so many!) And letting God handle the rest.

In the face of the storm

I find myself with A sleeping soundly on my chest as I write this. We are in the basement at my future in-laws as it has been storming all evening. Right now it’s quiet and peaceful, just light rain and some thunder and the distance but we still have two strong storm fronts headed our way. I should probably add that I am terrified of storms, I just have awful storm anxiey. Maybe I’ve seen too many movies or documentaries on tornados, maybe it’s because we’re currently in a farm house literally in the middle of a field.

Despite it all for the first time all night I just feel calm. We’re in the basement,flashlight next to our bed and she’s sleeping peacefully. I’ve done all I can do, and worrying isn’t going to fix anything. I’m overthrowing this all, but bear with me. This storm is just making me realize my independence and inner strength. Not only am I a calm mama I’m a strong one too. I am facing my fears calmly at the current moment, with this storm….and in life too.